What does losing a mum feel like?

What does losing a mum feel like? It feels like nothingness and even when I try to find the words I always come with nothing.

In the past, every time I have been in conversations where people discussed losing a parent and how it felt to either lose a mum or a dad and in each of those times I try to imagine a world where I’m living without my parents, especially my mum and I would always tremble because I couldn’t fathom it.

What does losing a mum feel like? It’s like a broken compass whose sense of direction is lost. It’s like standing in a storm, feeling the wind knocked out of you as if the ground beneath your feet has vanished.

It’s an ache that never quite leaves, a missing piece in the puzzle of life, a constant longing for the warmth of her embrace, and the sound of her voice offering guidance and love.

The day I received the news about my mum’s passing was also the day I was defending my master’s thesis, I felt disoriented, I had cried so much and my eyes were so swollen and the teacher in charge couldn’t even be bothered to ask if I was okay.

What does losing a mum feel like? It feels like one’s life is coming to an abrupt end. It’s like you’ve been moving and living at a particular speed through life and then out of the blue your life suddenly stops almost causing a collision with whatever is in front of you.

I miss our conversations and our banter. My mum was life and a soothing anchor reminding me to stay the course, so when she passed one question I kept asking myself so what’s the point of it all?

What does losing a mum feel like? It’s like an empty building where when you speak you hear yourself and it echoes back to you because of its emptiness. It’s like a void that can never be filled.

My mum was a buffer, my mum was home, laying my eyes on her or just knowing she was home brought peace, she was light and silent & loud laughter. She taught me the importance of being seen and heard.

What does losing a mum feel like? I would never be able to find the words. A lot of people say your mum would want you to move on, your mum would want you to be happy and even though that’s true, what hurts the most is that we can’t share those times together again.

So what does losing a mum feel like? It feels like a life where you’re only present in each other lives for a moment.

Grieving has been teaching me a lot of things, it’s like I now have a better perspective and understanding. So, I genuinely drop or forget everything trying to cause major attacks on me because what’s the point anyway, we’re all going to die.

What does losing a mum feel like? You’re forever changed because this loss leaves an indelible imprint on our hearts. It’s an unending journey of navigating between the swell of grief and being okay.

It is finding solace in cherished memories, and carrying her love forward in our own lives. While the pain may soften with time, the love and impact of my mum stays forever, shaping who I am and who I aspire to be.

Loss does so many things to you, starting from rocking your very existence. So, as I grieve, one thing is sure I’m forever changed and even though finding a way back to who I once was might never be achievable…. I still tremble at the reality of living in a world without my mum.

If you made it to the end of this post, don’t forget to leave me a comment or share your perspective with me on dealing with loss, and do check out the episode from my podcast with my mum here.