Sabotaging is when you directly or indirectly let good things that are meant to happen for you, go bad. It could either be a relationship, business, partnership, etc. and its consequences can be dire.
A lot of us sabotage whatever good is coming our way most times because we do not trust the process, we do not believe that we are worthy to receive whatever good is coming. we doubt our ability to handle growth or success, and this is because over time we have been able to develop a negative bias towards whatever positivity is coming our way because we have told ourselves that we don’t belong in specific circumstances or positions.
They dislike immediate discomfort and call it to quit in the face of challenges.
Sabotaging patterns develop during traumatic events or during the formative years of our lives. They stem from a place of self-worth, fear, rejection, not feeling worthy or abandonment and the patterns are quite unique to individuals.
To start uncovering these patterns and overcoming them, I have put together a small list.
1. Give your self tiny challenges
The idea is that you challenge yourself to make small strides to build your confidence not forgetting to celebrate every win as you do so.
2. Find someone you can be accountable to
We already identified that one of the ways we sabotage ourselves is when we quit in the face of challenges, so it’s always best to find someone we can be accountable to, someone who would encourage you when you need too and someone who would push you so that you do not give up.
3. Never give room to fear
The fear of success and not knowing if you will be able to handle it, the fear of the responsibility placed on you and not knowing if you will not end up disappointing everyone, the fear of wondering if you will ever be good enough will always creep in… but what do we say to the god of fear? Not today. And that’s because we know that fear will always come and it’s our job to rise above it.
One way you can do this is by telling yourself words of affirmation.
4. Improve your circle of friends
The idea is not to change your friends but to find people who can give you fresh perspectives, the kind that brings clarity about who you are, what you can do and what might benefit you.
5. Change the narrative
You can change the narrative by confronting your old truths, the very reasons that you have convinced yourself of in the past as the reason for sabotaging yourself and this happens by consciously telling yourself what you’re now and reminding yourself about how far you have come.
e.g In the past, I would intentionally say something that would hurt the other person and cause them to turn away but now I know that I can do better and that relationships are important so I’m careful with my words.
In conclusion, pay attention to the pattern and find the best ways on how you can stop sabotaging yourself. Set your sights on becoming the best version of yourself by following any of the guidelines listed above.