Over the past couple of months I have noticed that a couple of my male friends who are presently in relationships whose partners I have come to know primarily because they told me about them would usually ask me for girlfriends benefit or should I say sexual favours. I think its a different case when both parties are practising the friends with benefits term but for a male friend who has no intention of being with you romantically to ask for romantic or sexual favours, I kinda find it odd. And it’s not like this practice is a new thing cos it’s not but the practice is gradually on the rise.
The conversation usually starts like this:
Them:- B, why don’t you come over to my place and spend the weekend?
B:- come to your place to do what?
Them:- Just to visit and then we can gist and hangout.
B:- Hmm… Why do I have to come to your place to hangout? Can’t we hang out in a restaurant, see a movie, have a good time without spending the weekend at your place.
Them:- Shrugs…
B:- (cuts in)… it’s not like I can’t come over to your place, say hi and then go back to my place, but why would you want me to spend the weekend with you? shouldn’t your girlfriend be doing that?
Them:- B you’re making this a big deal. Friends do this all the time. so why are you trying to make it into one?
B:- Will you tell your girlfriend that I’m coming over?
Them: There’s no need for that.
B:-Hmm… I hear you. I believe it’s better not to tempt each other… If you want someone to come to spend the weekend at your place, then it’s best you invite your girlfriend over and if you’re really my friend like you say you’re, you will be introducing me to dateable people and not asking me to come over to your place for the weekend.
A lot of times after this conversation has ensued, the guy in question losses interest in the banter and wants to change the subject of discus. A couple of people might also read the conversation above and think that the lady over-reacted and that the guy friend might not have any intention with sleeping B but I beg to disagree because why would you want your female friend coming to spend the weekend at your place, without the knowledge of your girlfriend for gisting and catching up purposes when you can as well have that same conversation over drinks in a bar.
It begs to question the motive of the guy which already smells of shade… sometimes, you even begin to wonder if this guy has your best interest at heart as friends because they’re the same ones who keep giving you sexual advances even though they’re already in serious relationships(according to them) but would never think to introduce you to dateable people, its like they prefer seeing you single so they can always make their move hoping that they would catch you during one of your down moments.
At first, when I had this experience, I was shocked that why would my friend ask me of such, but I have since discovered that some guys tend to tow this part with some of their female friends… When asked why, they said it’s not like they want to date the girl, they just want to try their luck and see if she would give so that she can be a side piece whenever their babes were not around.
One lady I know told me that one of her male friends specifically asked her for a booty call and stated that since she was single, he could be keeping her warm pending the time ”Mr Right” (In his own words) decides to show up which is quite sad yet funny because the man in question considers her worthy enough to be slept with but not enough to be in a relationship with… and the story does not stop being gory from here, in fact, you will be shocked with the tales a lot of ladies have to tell and this is not in anyway to taint the good guys.
This post in itself is not in anyway to state what should be done next when scenarios similar to this happen to you, this post was written to let out the anger of being in this situation time & again when you were kinda expecting that your friend in question will step up and be sensible.
*** Have you had a similar experience or probably a more different and subtle one, I would like to know in the comment section.
Well I am of the opinion that guys who do this are totally irresponsible. It’s an awkward request and makes no sense. This is also an indication of the value they place on their “girlfriends ” I haven’t had such experience so it’s strange. Male friends like that should be cut off from ones life. So if all a guy sees or wants in his female friend is Sex, then that friendship is questionable.
The part of keeping bed warm before Mr Right comes really irked me. I don’t know why people tag being single as a lonely or desperate state, I don’t envy the girlfriends of such guys.
Good one Yinka! Go girl!
Male friends like this are nothing but a wolf that are looking for who to devour, Men of such behaviour needs to be avoided.
You deserve some accolades Yinka.
In my opinion,such guys are not worthy of the ‘friend’ title. The sad truth is,many ladies still fall for this,either out of desperation, thinking the guy will eventually date them,or because they do not know their values. Such guys are smooth talkers and manipulators… and they are everywhere, posing as friends,colleagues and what have you.
Great one Yinka!