What To Do When A Date Goes South

How are you sure this date will show up and not go quiet on you just days before the day already fixed ?

This was the question I asked myself even as i sat in front of my dresser, scarcely dressed; stairing  at my wristwatch on a friday night.

I sat in front of the mirror and allowed time pass, I was tired of agreeing to go on dates with this particular guy and then few days before the day picked, he would disappear into thin air. No words, no excuse or reason given,  just complete silence and then he would resurface back as if nothing happened, pick up from where he left off and reschedule another date, forgetting the previous, only to repeat the cycle again.

So yes, I agreed to go on date again with this same guy because i somehow wanted to be cordial with him, maybe a part of me wanted more and so i wanted to be more open with the idea of a date, perhaps it could lead somewhere. We were supposed to see during the weekend, go to a quiet and serene place to talk over food and drinks but just like before, everything went quiet.

I read somewhere that some guys would ask a lady out on a date, make plans with her and would not show up, they wouldnt call to cancel neither will they text or reach out to explain why they couldnt make it, the article i read explained that most of these dates are called “Vague Date”, the guy is not necessarily going to show up just because he is perhaps still checking out other girls and probably still weighing his options.

It is said that all is fair in love and war because most people have their equal share of those who have rejected them to those they have rejected. But constantly reminding yourself of a time when you turned down a date or rejected a love gesture by someone, doesnt change the feeling that you are torn in two when the tides turn.

Disappointment and being let down by people might be something that can never be erased by time because of our constant relations with people but it can also be something that can eventually lead a medical condition if not properly dealt with. I say this because when disappointment happens or perhaps our expectations are not meant, we try to look for reasons to justify why it happened. Sometimes we blame ourselves and question our identity instead of just processing and handling the pain rather than running away from it.

I guess you are probably thinking at this point that I am not over the feelings I had for the guy who made date plans with me and didnt show up. I guess there might be a tiny bit of truth in that, when I see a friend having a long banter on the phone (I live for conversations), I remember how we got talking and the stories that transformed into laughter. When I hear a song on the radio and i remembered the time I told you how much the song meant to me, but on the flipside when i see my future self: happy, accomplished, fulfilled and loved, living life without regrets and baggage, you know that you were saved from a disaster waiting to happen. And that is how you get over a date who showed no regard for you, who hurt you in the process and no longer deserves you, you acknowledge their place and purpose in your past but deny them access to your future. Like any addiction you get over it with time, an ironclad-support team, healthy distractions and closure on your terms not theirs.

Eventually, i realised even as i sat in front of the mirror that I cant understand the past by obsessing over the present, that i couldn’t continue to turn down dates just because of one person’s actions and that maybe the best thing that happened with me meeting this man was that he disappeared into thin air.
I can’t hold onto a man I can’t see which is great since you should never hold on to anyone who can’t see your worth and with that realisation, i got undressed and got ready for bed.

Image Credit- Goggle

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Yinka's Muse
Yinka's Muse
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5 years ago

This table you shook had me on it. But something I came to realize is; \”Love\” is like a circle, those you want, want someone else who wants someone else that wants someone else. And, it could also be that, the reason why a guy doesn't show up for a date is to checkout the lady's seriousness – he would expect the lady to ask why he didn't show up. If the lady was really into him, she would care to ask. Also, his plan could have been just to get a cool spot and talk over a drink, but along the line, he noticed the lady's expensive taste and hence, to avoid disappointment, he decides not to show up. Great read btw.

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